Phil's last words
by ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl
Summary: Dan left, Phil's upset, what will Phil do when he broadcasts live on YouNow? One shot. Phan.
1. Chapter 1

**Based on You me at six's fireworks**

"Hi guys.  
I'm doing something a little different today, so please, don't comment. Just watch."  
_I was hoping that you would see this before it was over and at least call me to tell me you're still okay. That's why I was doing it on YouNow. Just in case you saw this.  
_"So here we go.  
Hi Dan.  
Wow, been a long time since we last spoke hasn't it? It's been what, two months?  
Anyway. I'm here to put things right. First, I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry for all the things I did that ever made you angry. I'm sorry for what I said that day when you walked out. I didn't mean it, I don't hate you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I love you Daniel Howell. I love you more than life itself. You complete me. Without you I'm nothing, life isn't worth living. But I'm setting you free. I will never bother you ever again after this. But I guess the fans should know what's happening.  
Me and Dan had an argument. It was petty really. It was just that he confused me and we both had gotten no sleep and we were really grouchy and then boom. I said it. He stormed out and when I woke up in the morning all of his things had gone. I don't know what happened, I've been trying to contact him for ages but he won't speak to me. Please don't harass Dan about it. That's my job. I'm joking, there has to be a bit of humour in here doesn't there?  
So anyway, sorry Dan. Please just talk to me once more before I leave. I don't know what to do without you, ever since I moved out of my parent's house you've been there to help me along the way. And that's the problem; I don't know how to live…  
It hurts Dan, every time I wake up and know that you're not there, knowing that we'll never make another colab video, knowing that we're never going to talk face to face again. It hurts too much Dan. You know I was depressed at one point. You know that you helped me out of it. And you know full well what I'm about to say. I'm sorry but I'm leaving. I'm leaving YouTube, YouNow, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Life.  
I'm giving up Dan. And with it, setting you free. You can do whatever the hell you want now without having to worry about me. This is the end, you know the saying… If you love something set it free. Well that's it. And this is what people usually do isn't it? Leave a note before they go? Except this note is especially for you Dan. To tell you that I love you and to tell you… Goodbye.  
I will never forget you, literally. Please don't forget me. Or you can, I don't mind. I won't know if you do or not.  
So yeah, I'm quitting. Goodbye all my lovely Phillions, please don't ever do what I'm doing… EVER.  
And goodbye Dan. I love you."  
_The comments erupted. Everybody begging me to stop what I was about to do but it was too late. I ended the broadcast and left the flat.  
I slowly walked up to the roof, taking in every tiny little detail about the world before I left it. The colours seemed brighter, the people seemed happier, I felt stronger.  
I cautiously stepped towards the edge, looking down at the people bustling along the path, not realising that there was a person about to take his life right above their heads.  
I began to lean forwards when…  
_"PHIL!"_  
I turned to see you, hobbit hair in full show and with one shoe missing. You ran towards me and engulfed me in your arms. I began to cry, allowing my emotions to break through the thick barrier that I had built up in the past two months. I had never felt more alive.  
_"You came!"_ I whispered in your ear.  
_"Of course I came, why wouldn't I?" _You mumbled, turning your head and pecking me on the lips.  
And then it happened, the incident. My foot slipped and I fell. But you had tight hold of my hand.  
_"I'm not going to let you fall."_ You whispered to me as the crowd below began to take in what was happening above them.  
I looked into your deep brown eyes. Full of determination and fear. I was slipping; I could feel my hand slowly falling through his grasp, no matter how tight it was. I knew this was the end. But it couldn't end like this, I had just found Dan again, and he had just found me! I tried to hold on for as long as possible but nothing I did helped. Our fingertips found each other's, I only had seconds left.  
_"I love you Daniel Howell." _You had begun to cry.  
_"I love you too Phillip Lester. My little lion man."_  
The last thing I saw was Dan's face, filled with love and tears screaming my name._

_So this is the end, of you and me  
we had a good run, and I'm setting you free  
to do as you want, to do as you please  
without me…_

**I'm sorry okay. I was in a sad mood and I was listening to this song and then this atrocious piece of writing happened, I apologise.  
ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl x  
**


	2. Epilogue

**"It was supposed to be a one shot!" I scream as I write an epilogue for my second one shot that has had an extra part to it…  
Idk why I keep doing this… I just can't really think of Phil being dead, so here we are again!  
If Phil being dead was a good ending to the story, don't read this part.  
If you want Phil to be alive (more or less, I'm still figuring that out) read on!:D  
Sorry if this is terrible…**

* * *

It didn't take long for me to realise the consequences of the fall Phil had taken; it also didn't take me long to rush down the stairs, all 20 flights of them, to get to where Phil's body lay on the ground outside his -our- apartment building.  
He was in a bad condition, blood pouring out of the side of his head in a way that made me feel sick to the stomach. Wait, that wasn't a feeling. I turned towards a nearby bin that seemed to be lining every street of London these days and threw up the toastie I had been eating just a mere 20 minutes ago while watching Phil's live show.  
Someone walked up to me and patted me on the back whispering soothing words in my ear.  
"Sssh, it'll be alright. Just don't look if it upsets you, an ambulance will be here to collect him in a minute." I pitied that woman, being so nice and kind and holding my fringe away from my face as I threw up again. If only she knew that I was the reason that her usual day-to-day life was interrupted, I don't think she would have given me a box of tic tacs if she knew that information.  
I turned my attention back to Phil, now that I looked at him closely I could see his arm was bent in a funny position, his eyes were still open, bright blue and still shining so brightly it was as if you could melt into them, I smiled fondly as I thought of how it didn't matter whether his eyes were open or closed, he never blinked anyway. But what struck me was the smile ghosted on his face, the last facial feature pulled by Philip Lester before the inevitable happened…  
Funny thing really, how he was moments from death and he still smiled. Even in the darkest of times he was always the cheerful happy one who would stroll down the path of life with the biggest grin on his face and making everyone around him feel warm and fuzzy like at Christmas. Christmas, yet another thing Phil loved.  
An ambulance arrived along with a police car; it was a blur of flashing lights, loud sirens, shouting, pushing and shoving and many, many explanations but I managed to find myself sitting next to the stretcher that Phil lay upon, fiddling with his hands while the ambulance doors closed and the sounds of the outside world were shut out, an eerie silence taking its place. I used to love the silence, while I was on my laptop I needed silence, while I was filming a video I needed silence, while I was watching a film I needed silence, while I was listening to Phil talk about something that made his face light up with excitement, that was the only thing I wanted to hear. But right now the silence was terrible. All I wanted was for Phil to start talking again; I didn't care about what though. He could have thrown insult after insult at me, yell at me for leaving him, thank me for returning, I didn't care, as long as Phil was talking.  
The silence became too overpowering so I decided to break it.  
"Listen, Phil. If you can hear me then you've got to stop fucking around and get up before you start to worry me and if you can't… Well, you're going to listen anyway. I'm sorry for leaving; I don't know why I did it really. I had enough I guess, it was the biggest mistake of my life. Chris and Peej are great and everything and their sofa is super comfy but it wasn't the same. I missed knowing that you were there to comfort me when I had bad dreams, I miss knowing that when I woke up you would most likely have left all the cupboard doors open, most of all I miss you. And I love you too Philly, I love you too."  
I couldn't carry on after that and broke down into tears. I sobbed into Phil's chest staining his checked shirt with the salty water. I drew back, still sniffling softly.  
"I got your shirt wet, I'm sorry Phil…" I pulled the sleeve of my jumper over my hand and held it there firmly before starting to gently wipe the tear patches away that I had made. His shirt pulled up slightly and that was when something caught my eye, his stomach was moving. He was breathing! I pressed my ear to Phil's chest and felt a rush of happiness when I heard the gentle thump of a weak heartbeat.  
After the happiness of Phil's life wore of slightly I was back to sitting next to his stretcher, stroking his knuckles and watching intently, waiting for a movement from a hand or a turn of his head or something, anything that would show me that Phil wasn't just about holding onto the last strand of his existence before he faded into a world that I would only ever see once I had finally crossed the boundary from life to death.  
I didn't realise how much the ambulance shook until then. It was moving my whole body from side to side which made it difficult to distinguish between the shaking and Phil's actual movements. The loud crashing of the van as it sped towards the hospital made it difficult to even hear myself think, let alone hear Phil's steady breathing.  
At long last, we reached the hospital.  
It was a painful process, having to watch them wheel Phil away while I was dragged, kicking and screaming like a child to the waiting area. It was boring, watching all these people coming in and out of the glass doors with minor injuries or a broken foot. None of them knew that Phil was here and to be honest, none of the probably cared either.  
I was just getting into my fourth hour of waiting when a tall girl, but still no older than six, slipped into the seat next to me. I gave her a small smile but her face remained as blank as ever, she had bright blue eyes just like Phil's and black hair just like Phil's. In fact, she looked so much like Phil that if he was a six year old girl, he would have been her. She looked as if she was examining me, her none blinking eyes shining brighter and brighter the longer she went without closing her eyelids.  
"It'll be alright." I jumped at the sound of her voice, southern with a hint of northern, just like Phil's. I looked at her and that was when she smiled, it was a genuine smile, the sort you could trust, wonky and with her tongue poking out the side slightly, just like Phil's.  
"Sorry?" I heard her the first time but there was something about her voice that was so comforting.  
"You heard me the first time; I said it's going to be alright." She smiled again, a bit more brightly though.  
"Oh, thanks." I didn't really know what to say to that. I suddenly felt her fingers slip between mine.  
"Your friend's alive and he'll be alright. Don't panic. Oh, and if I were you I'd go stock up on the food from the café over there." She pointed to a small eating area where they were selling tasty looking muffins and cookies. "The food they give you here is terrible and you've got a long night ahead of you." She stood up and slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out a £50 note and laying it on the seat she had occupied.  
"Oh no, I can pay for it myself, thanks though." I said, shoving my hand in my pocket and bringing out my wallet to show her that I wasn't a child. It was funny how I didn't question how she knew all of this or where she got the money from; she just seemed like someone I could trust.  
"No you can't." I looked at her incredulously.  
"Can you not see the wallet?" I asked, waving it in front of her face.  
"There's nothing in there." She replied simply looking extremely sheepish. I checked inside and found nothing but a 20p in it.  
"How did you know that?" I began to get suspicious.  
"You never have any money in your wallet. You're always borrowing some off your friends, particularly the one here." She said looking slightly smug at this.  
"How do you know all of this?" I asked as I began shoving my wallet back into my pocket but when I looked up, the girl had vanished. The money was still on the seat but a note was now sitting on top of it. I picked both up quickly, slipping the £50 into my other pocket before reading the four words written on the piece of paper in my hand.

_Stand in your light._

I nearly screamed as I read the sentence. This was not the right time to be receiving notes that were purely being used as a joke!  
I threw the piece of paper and it fluttered to the floor lightly, landing on the opposite side where more words were written. I rushed down and picked it up, hoping for something better that wasn't based on something that he wasn't even involved in.

_I couldn't resist, I'm sorry.  
Everything will be alright, honest. Phil just needs some surgery to his head and a few other places need to be stitched up. He'll be on crutches for a while but other than that, he'll be okay.  
p.s.  
Chocolate chip muffins- £2  
Maltesers- £3.50  
Coffee (extra-large)- £5  
Added toppings (whipped cream)- £1.50  
Enjoy!_

This seemed more helpful and the food just made it better. I walked over to the café and just as the note had said; all the things on the list were there and were the correct prices.

* * *

Sometime around 5pm to next day (current time for me)…

* * *

"You can go in now, he's awake."  
"Thanks." I reply to the doctor before pushing the door open gently and tip-toeing in.  
"Hey Phil?" I whisper to the lump on the bed. The mass moves and groans loudly.  
"No! S'too early!" I practically screech and run over to the bed, leaping onto Phil and pulling him into the biggest hug I have ever given.  
"THANK FUCKING GOD YOU'RE AWAKE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY COFFEES I'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH JUST TO STAY AWAKE?! AND WHEN THAT CAFÉ CLOSED I WAS STUCK WITH MACHINE COFFEE! DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD MACHINE COFFEE TASTES?!" I break down then, crying with happiness onto his shoulder as he pats my back gently while laughing his head off. Nevertheless, I can see the pain in his face and pull back quickly. "Oh god, you're hurt! I'm sorry!" I stutter, quickly trying to get off the bed, much to Phil's disagreement.  
"No, I'm not hurt. I've had way too many painkillers for that; I've got a massive headache though that no medicine will ever cure!" I can tell he's exaggerating here as he's using that typical voice that he puts on when he says something that isn't necessarily true. I smile and climb back onto the bed, snuggling down into his chest. I take in the smell of Phil. Raspberries, chocolate and Christmas masking the smell of all the chemicals that must be on his body right now. I feel myself slowing drifting off to sleep when…  
"Why did you leave Dan?" There's pain in his voice, a lot of it.  
"I guess I had had enough. But let me tell you something right now." I say before sitting up and looking at him straight in the eye. "It was the biggest mistake of my life." The small gap between us closes of its own accord and it feels like old times again, full of cuddles and small kisses that meant nothing at the time but suddenly felt like they were there to say everything that never left the small part of our mind that held thoughts like that. We pull away, not out of breath; the kiss wasn't heated or passionate in any way. It was more innocent and loving. I snuggle back down into his chest.  
"I saw a girl who looked just like you today. She knew me, it was weird. She even gave me a note." I whisper in the heat of the moment. Phil pushes me away quickly.  
"Can I see the note?" I pull it out and hand it to him, slightly confused about what's going on. I watch his eyes scan the page then turn it over and read the rest of it. He looks up in shock.  
"What's wrong?" I ask, still confused.  
"While I was being operated on I had a dream that I gave you this note and told you everything would be alright. I was just going to tell you it was me when I woke up." I look at him, a grin spreading across both of our faces.  
"Well looks like the odds are in your favour Phil, what d'you know? Miracles really do happen!" And they do, Phil's alive and is still the same as ever. That's my miracle right there.  
I snuggle back down into his chest for the third time.  
"I love you." The words are a whisper and barely audible as if fearing the reaction. But they're real and genuine.  
"I love you too." I feel him relax and we both fall asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

**Are you happy now? Fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff galore! I don't really know what happened with that girl, the thought popped into my head and I was writing it down before I knew what I was doing…  
Anyway, no more is being added to this so please don't ask for it. But do review because I enjoy reading those^.^  
Thanks!  
ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl x**


End file.
